First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
