i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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