What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize