did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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