I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
I see more hoeing in ur future
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