We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
