Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
