So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
