guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
