why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
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Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
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I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I woke up under a house in Key West
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