let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
