I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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