theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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