You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
