ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
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