I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
