Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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