bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
And then my night got REAL pukey
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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