I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i already hear my dad disowning me
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
