considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
