i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
