Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
then he tried to convert me to islam
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
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