my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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