it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
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I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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