Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
