My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
