i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
