This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
