I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
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Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
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You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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