wanna go halves on a baby?
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
and you fell through a lawn chair
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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