I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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