If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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