i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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