thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
my vag is so smooth its legendary
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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