Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
