did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
