i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
