there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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