Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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