I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
It's shark week go big or go home
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
