did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
