Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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