I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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