I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I want to make a zoo with you.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Randomize
