how can u be prego again
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
either way he was missing a nipple.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
