I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
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he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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