My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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