My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
