sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
