My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
