Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
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His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
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Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I love you. Go after that dick
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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