shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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