btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
