your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
