Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
