are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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