I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
