I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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