i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
