I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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