Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
My vagina is officially offended.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize