it wasn't lemon gatorade
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
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